Everyone knows that phrase about a journey of a thousand miles, right? I'm about to embark on something much bigger. I've actually been preparing for this trip literally and figuratively for quite some time now. I'm inviting you along for the ride as I delve in deep and try to find the fulfillment and joy that seem to be eluding me as of late.
I have been working really hard for quite some time - reading, writing, talking, even going to therapy for a few years trying to sort out my life. On some levels, I am happier than I have ever been. Burdens that I have borne from my past have been shed, and peace has been found with the path I was destined to tread to become who I am today. It is arriving at this fork in the road of my life that seems to have me so perplexed. I'm down with the whole "road less taken" thing, but the dilemma still seems to be, which way to go?
I feel so overwhelmed because it seems I want to change EVERYTHING about my life. I am unhappy with my weight/health/eating habits, my lack of a career and financial stability, and the emptiness of not having a romantic partner in my life. I feel like it is really hard to find something to be happy about.
Everyone says, "but you have your amazing kids!" Yes, I do, but there are two things about that which I find fault with. One is that children require an enormous amount of work, and sometimes I feel spent and drained trying to be the true sole provider. Again, I understand this is my destiny and that there is a lesson to be learned in that, but nonetheless I find myself somewhat exhausted and needing a way to recharge that I haven't quite yet identified. Next is that the years are going by quickly, and at some point in the not too distant future, my kids are going to be embarking on adult lives of their own. I don't want to wake up with no identity beyond my Mommy-ness when that happens. Therefore, in no way do I disagree that I am abundantly blessed as a parent and could not be more proud and happy to be the mother of my three fabulous children, but I can't deny that it just isn't enough. As the song says, "there's gotta be something more."
I have found my life's passion. I have uncovered some profound truths about myself, and made some incredible progress in managing my emotions and healing the wounds my upbringing inflicted on me. I have not put that passion to work for me to produce the results that I would hope for in my life.
And so, that brings me to the literal part of this adventure. I'm getting on a plane tomorrow, heading off to participate in Tony Robbin's "Unleash the Power Within" four day seminar. The event kicks of with a 12 hour day of preparation for a fire walk. Oprah did it, so I can do it, too, right? While this is a very real exercise, it is partly a metaphor for overcoming fear and getting over whatever is holding you back in your life. The following three days are about goal setting and getting unstuck. Wow, do I COMPLETELY need that.
